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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
b-u-h
Why am I dating you? Is that really a question that needs to be asked?
Because you are a beautiful person who somehow sees the best in me
Because you don’t ever judge me for who I am or what I do
Because when I’m with you I feel safe and loved and at home
Because when we kiss I feel fireworks
And when you hold me it feels like everything is going to be okay
Because you’re awkward and weird and strange like me
Because we have similar music tastes and sing together
Because you’re a nerd that plays video games and watches some of my shows and is down to watch more with me
Because you make me write dumb poems and you’re the subject of some of my art pieces
Because even when I’m in this state where I don’t want to be around people or talk to anyone I still want to be by your side
Because even though I’m damaged and broken and so scared of being hurt again you still want to be with me
Because ever since I first saw you I knew that I wanted you and I never want to let go

Because I’ve fallen in love with you (via you-make-me-go-buh)

Today doesnt feel happy without you. Like every goddamn day. I miss you but its depressing so im avoiding. Im good at that at least.. But im forever loving you. I figured it might disappear yet im still here. So all the songs have become about you and the more i try to escape the more you seep in and i guess im just accepting that nobody will ever replace you and my heart feels that warmness when i think about you. Nobody could hurt me as much as you because i have never loved someone like you. It took this relationship for me to realize what real love looks like. I never thought the songs were true or how someone could find a soulmate and now all i wonder is how many times in other realms we found each other. Why we are apart has more meaning and i know im going to spoil you with more love than youve ever had. I cant tell you how i feel around you. Nervous.. Excited.. Idk. Mad? I feel crazy. Crazier i guess. I love you. Thats all i can manage to get out and its pathetic how poetic i am otherwise. After im finished gathering my poetry i might get the nerve to send it all to you. But it might be an embarassing amount. Like a huge ass box. Then youll stop thinking im so cheesy with just the i love yous. Youll move on to thinking im crazier than you think. Obsessive. Loving from a distance. For once im writing about someone romantically. A thug needs love too? I didnt think id fall for real. Usually im just poetic out of duty but with you it just spills out. Its rawness and its not about sounding cute its real and thats scary as shit. The brain says no and the hearts like fuck you. Ive yet to follow the heart since i walked out and we’re past pride now im waiting on time. And ill spend the rest of my life trying to prove how much i care about you. Even when im an asshole please know youre the only thing keeping me grounded to reality. I camt believe youre still with me after everything i out you through. Sure you did some shit but i know im the real problem and youre just giving me a taste of my own medicine. The medicine woman isnt supposed to need you.. My only remedy. Ugh. Fuck you i love you. Im sorry. I need to come home but i know im not ready. Itll cause more harm and im running out of excuses to get well for both of our sake. To stop living in the past hurt. It took 3 years to get over you displeasing me but you knew it was going to take that long. Because you know damn well how much i love and loved you. Im missing you a lot today. Every day. Wow this was longer than i planned. This post and my love. I hope you dont get tired of waiting for me to act like a normal human being bc thats never happening. I love you more than weed. Myself.. Etc. I wish you were with me today and i wish we never separated but we really never did huh? Baby im never leaving turned out to be a huge lie but honestly i never really left my hearts always belonged to you. Youre right i live in the past bc thats always how im going to feel. I totally get how old people stay in love its bc they remember when they first met. Ill never forget or feel differently than when we first laid eyes on each other. Its like i found my purpose. I found something i didnt know i was missing. Then i had to go without to realize i am addicted. Of all the things and habits to break youre the thing i cant live without and have no desire to. I get all the suicidal shit. Usually im sad for no reason. How refreshing to find something or in this case someone that makes me feel that way. That sounds emo af but its true. Anyways i guess i love you but you know that already. Youre just waiting for me to actually show it. Which is hard for me. And for you. Because we are so awkward but also aggressive and terrified of being hurt again. How we found the same personality differently is a miracle. Dont tell me we arent perfect bc you made me believe in a real soulmate. This is getting dramatic but idk how else to behave with you bc you make me so fucking expressive it baffles me. I could ramble on forever about you. I think youre crazy for still talking to me but im in hxc denial that you share the same feelings as me. Like this is a sick joke. Im glad we met and ill be gladder when we’re finally together. One wayyy or anotherrr im gonna find youuu. Maybe come to your house unexpectedly as i please. I need to see you sometimes even though i know the result isnt good. Because im addicted and even a second is enough sometimes. I wish i would have kissed you longer. I miss you baby.

luuunne

i went from “i love you” to “you don’t know who you’re fucking with” real quick

its-queen-bitch-to-u

If you feel like a doormat bc i think i can come back whenever i want…… ok you might be right but its mostly fear that keeps me out and the other small part insecurity.. ok equally distributed with narcissism. I know people have been in love with me but nobody looked at me the way you did.. still do. So maybe you should say something? god im always the one initiating in this relationship .. ok every fckn ship. Am i that unapproachable? I must be super fucking scary

sweetsoundness

A letter to the man who cheated on me

sweetsoundness

When you came into my life I was vulnerable. I was scared. I was changing. I was figuring out what I liked. What I didn’t. What I wanted to do with my life. School. Work. I was doing it all and all of a sudden my mind knew I wanted you to be apart of that.

I gave you something that I can never get back. I gave you my love. My life. You met the people closest to me. My friends. My family. My coworkers. My home. My thoughts. My insecurities. My habits. My quirks. You found them all out.

I always thought that when someone cheats on you it’s easier to be angry. Be mad. Hate them. But I’m not angry. I’m lost. I’m hurt and I’m scared.

The words that came out of your mouth were always so nice. You would call me and I would forget about my problems from that day. Just laying in bed with you was enough to forget it all.

I look back on every word you said and I get nauseous. You lied about everything you ever told me since the day you met me. Your home situation. Your friends. What you were doing and with whom. Your relationship status. Your past. Your feelings. Your love. Your desires. Everything was a lie.

I want to be mad at the other girl. Only because at least she wasn’t the one that was on the side. I wasn’t even good enough for the truth. Never was. Day one was a lie. Your lies were so good. How did you do that? You did it so well.

I remember the good times. Mini golfing. Date nights. Cuddling. The sex. The laughing. Pinching and tickling you. When we went to Texas. Tgi Fridays. When I gave you my number. Our first date. Our last date. The last time you held me. Kissing you. Hugging you. Holding your hand. The walking dead. God they were so good.

It was all lies though. Every single time. Every single moment. All of it. You lied. It was fake. None of it was fucking real. None of it. Why? Why do that to someone? Why give someone something and then burn it to the fucking ground and then walk away?

You can’t even give me a reason. Or the why. You can’t even talk to me about it. But that’s okay. I don’t need a why. I need a goodbye.

You spent days with me just to go home to another women. You spent hours telling me how much you loved me. How perfect I was. A perfect ten just to tell another women those same words. Why did you do it? Why did you pick me? Why did you do this to us? To me?

I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that you never loved me. You never cared. You never. Never. Never. Never.

I guess all I want to say is thank you. Thank you because next time I’ll trust my gut feeling. Next time I won’t take someone’s sorry excuses. Next time I won’t be ditched. Next time I won’t be lied to. Next time I won’t take second best. Next time I won’t allow someone’s inconsistencies to bother me. I won’t take less than what I know I fucking deserve. I won’t take “I’ll cal you later” “I’m busy right now” “I can’t hang out tonight” I won’t take someone’s excuses. I won’t settle for less then the best. Because I deserve better. So much better. I deserve promises. Trust. Love. Consistency. Honesty. I fucking deserve that. I know I do. So thank you because I can now freely find that.

You can’t hold me back anymore. You can’t fucking take that from me. You won’t ruin my future. You won’t do that to me.

I don’t want to and I won’t fucking take it. You ruined more than us. You did it while it’s back was fucking turned. Vulnerable. Hurting. You did this to us. You did this. It’s your fucking fault.

I can’t even say I wish you the worse. I can’t and I won’t. I wish you the fucking best. I hope you find someone that you ACTUALLY love. I hope you find someone you don’t lie to. Hope you find someone and don’t need the satisfaction of another women. Or multiple women. I hope you find someone you can be faithful to. I hope you can find someone you will treat right.

its-queen-bitch-to-u

Wtf are u talking about i think youre assuming shit if you want to know the truth …. ok rephrase if you think you can handle it.. you should let me talk to you again. Or talk shit on tumblr when u dont know the full story just what youve creeped, that works too. Im not saying i didnt fuck up but dont fucking tell me i never cared or loved you. Fuck you this is why i still hate you. Ugh i love you though. Fucking asshole.

tristanx11

Personal Thoughts - Alone

tristanx11

I don’t usually do things like this but sometimes it’s better to put thoughts into words rather than keeping them as just chemical reactions inside my brain. Plus I figure since anyone who follows this account either could care less (not knowing who I am.) Or may find what they’re about to read useful or interesting.

I feel like honestly destined to be alone. Not in the cry for help way. I genuinely believe I’m just meant to be alone. Growing up as an only-child in *cue Courage the Cowardly dog* “THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE” with a manic bi-polar depressant mother and a father whom was so drowned in his own work to make time for his son, things were always kind of… alone. I didn’t get along well with children in school. I had no siblings. All interactions with mom were from a bipolar woman who still to this day can’t say “I love you.” And my father was originally very stubborn, uptight, and easily angered. So without any options for sanity and social contact I stayed to myself.

During this time I became very creative in my young dissociated mind. I took to playing with my toy cars and video games. I loved those games, because they took me out of the world I was in; reality. I would sit and play for hours upon hours upon hours. Thinking back as an adult it honestly concerns me how many days of my life can be measured in video game playing time. I became very adept at them for a child of my age. However, they were the only thing I was excelling at. Everything else I tried I failed with finese. While I know I’m just being hard on myself and that I shouldn’t say thay because it might not be true, it FEELS like it is. I digress, it made me feel inadequate. On top of being unliked and the unsteady home life, I didn’t even like myself. Things got really emotional, lots of outbursts of crying, depression, anxiety, and all of this happening before the age of 10. I rarely had thoughts of suicide, but when I did they were easily squashed by the thought that I’d rather live a shit life than no life at all.

Years later, after being put on many different medications and basically turned into a different person due to the chemicals in my brain being twisted into a ‘happy person’, one day I had enough. It wasn’t me. I cut off the medications. I slowly began feeling a bit better, and giving a TL:DR version of my mid-childhood, I made a small amount of friends and began to think higher of myself. However, the damage done in my youth had not been repaired. Maybe never repaired.

As I become more and more social my home life began declining even further. Both my grandmothers were at one time living at my house with my already not stable mother tending to them like a slave. This caused a lot of tension and put me in a position where I never wanted to leave the comfort of video games. However, now I was becoming more social. I began making a decent amount of acquaintances but I really felt like I didn’t have enough friends. I kept trying and trying to make more friends and more friends and more friends to fill the void of loneliness that had been there for so long. It did not work out however. I’d say for every 1 friend I made, I would say 10 thought that I was weird and would then avoid me. This hurt. It hurt so bad to be rejected repeatedly.

Adolescence was just as a hard time for me for similar reasons. I made small friends but I always yearned for more, and what’s even worse is now the opposite sex was enticing me. I’d never had a girlfriend, and as you can imagine I wasn’t ready. I would go from girl to girl, hoping to fill the void, and receiving less than I had hoped. I was referred to as a “man-hoe”, and to a certain extent I agreed. I was in fact talking to a new girl a month, but that’s because I felt like I absolutely had to.

Where does this leave me now? A young adult. Well to reiterate, I feel like I’m just meant to be alone. I feel like I can never reach my level of social happiness. I always feel like I’m annoying everyone I talk to. I feel like even though I truthfully have the best set of friends a person could possibly ask for I still feel as if they’re not enough. There’s just never enough. This leads me to my romantic life. I’ve never been super into somebody except for one girl whom “friend zoned” me and I feel like most of it is due to me not receiving the correct social contact as a child.

Will continue to write this another day. Currently 2 am, falling asleep mid typing. (I’ll just edit this post)

its-queen-bitch-to-u

Omg plz ignore me when im mad. You dont annoy me, just confusing. And who isnt bipolar? Heh heh

pperceptual-deactivated20180813
pperceptual

also i hate that idea that loving someone is a thing that takes a significantly large amount of time it doesnt take everyone two years to say that first i love you it didnt even take two weeks for him to say it and me to mean it and i havent regretted a single one since then, your feelings aren’t clockwork and they surely are not ever going to mirror the patterns of another, spontaneous and impulsive love doesnt take away from the sentiment, doesnt mean i somehow love their character less just cause i havent had the pleasure to be exposed to it for years on end; it just means that i love the taste ive gotten, i crave more, i want the pleasure of learning and finding new things about them. this isnt a secondary, second-guessing type of love. such a shame to me that we’ve all been fundamentally programmed into equating love to the amount of time spent, and less on the feelings shared in the process